So many of us deal with loneliness, and it is something so few people can admit to.
Why can’t it be easier to say you are having a bad hour or bad day or even a bad week, without worrying someone will recoil from you or think you are needy?
Wouldn’t it be nice if the response was compassion and empathy instead? A hug, a listening ear, and just kindness in general?
There is a great article about loneliness:
Some of the causes may be physiological, some may be emotional, some may be mental from our belief systems and how we speak to ourselves.
A pill doesn’t change the cause, but it may alleviate symptoms in the short term.
But isn’t what we really want to not have to take a pill – to be able to find a comfort inside that makes depression a stranger rather than a familiar visitor?
It took me MANY, MANY years to enjoy being alone without being lonely. It took a real effort to change the way I think, and to embrace what I had that is good rather than focusing my longings on what I did not have, or comparing myself to others unfavorably.
I am so grateful now for not being lonely anymore, but that doesn’t mean I don’t remember how it felt – or that my heart doesn’t go out to those who still experience it.
Do YOU get lonely? And what makes you feel better when you do?
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I enjoyed that article. It brought me back… and reminded me of times when I struggled with loneliness. Online relationships cannot substitute for person to person interactions. I love the computer but while the online community can be a great resource and support, the keyboard is cold and unfeeling. I do believe that people don’t know how to respond to the lonely. A lonely person doesn’t know how to reverse the feeling and a person that isn’t lonely doesn’t know how to respond.
I wish I could answer your question well. The times I have feel lonely, I just recovered over time and through pursuing activities that interested me.
You said it very well, Jane Anne. I think both paragraphs are quite true.
Thank you for always leaving such thoughtful comments!
i don’t know, i have never been alone. and i hope i never am… because, well you know.
smiles, bee
xoxoxooxoxxo
I hope you never are either, Bee.
I do know, and it would break my heart too for you.
So we will think positive and be glad for all the time you DO have now together.
((hugs))
I have no words right now….but a lot of feelings.
I’m glad to have found your corner of the internet.
Thank you Won.
May there be goodness here for you.
This post and the article included reminded me of a youtube video my friend once showed me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs
It is called “How to Be Alone”, and I always watch it when I am feeling lonely. Without fail, it makes me feel better, even if just a bit.
That was a very cool video, Isabelle – thank you so much for sharing it!
I think a big part of the problem is that we’re raised to believe being lonely says something about us as people, like we’re lonely because we’re not “good” enough or some such crap. What happens then is that we make judgements about our self-worth when we’re feeling lonely, so loneliness means something negative about ourselves rather than something about the fact that we crave (and legitimately need) human attention or contact.
When I broke up with my ex, I went through a period of intense loneliness, compounded by the fact that I chose to leave so I kept second-guessing my (very much right) decision because of the loneliness. I bought a huge stuffed elephant to snuggle, which helped a little bit. I finally realized that I was no lonelier without him than I often was while we were together, but it took a long time to sink in. What I think we need to do is change our thinking about loneliness, as well as the way being “alone” is portrayed in the media. I’m sick of seeing lonely, pathetic people in movies rather than people who are alone and empowered.
Thanks for an interesting post that made me think tonight, Cinderella. You address a topic so many relate to.
Good Tuesday morning to you Kay.
I think you see it very clearly – both in general, and with what happenned with you specifically – and with what the media is doing. Good points, all!
And Thank you:)
As you probably know, I am feeling a bit of the “lonelies” right now
But I have found that I’ve learned this about being lonely: attitude is everything. If I think of it in terms of a quiet time where things are waiting to be discovered–that makes me feel much better. Also, using that as a time to get to focus on something I enjoy or working on myself in some way helps me tremendously, too.
Exactly! You hot the nail on the head – it’s how we cope with it, and how we refocus.
And being able to admit to a lonely time (like when you have moved to a new place) and have it acceptable to those around us because they understand as well, instead of not being able to admit it out of fear. Being able to be honest about it frees you, and then when it is time, it passes:)
Great article and I often wonder if shyness leads to that sense of loneliness; I know often throw myself into other pursuits in order not to feel that overwhelming rush of loneliness.
I think shyness does have something to do with it Chris.
I’m one of those persons that has learned to like being alone without feeling lonely…but it’s taken years to get to this point. My brother, even with people around him, seems to always feel lonely. I hope that I can help him, and I try to get him to understand that he is never truly alone.
I get these pangs when I think about him though. Thanks for the article
Good Sunday morning to you Elissa.
I hope that your brothere is able to learn, just as you did and I did, how to be alone without feeling lonely.
You are welcome. The article was really helpful in acknowledging that so very many people experience loneliness and it is okay to admit to feeling that way.
Excellent post Cinderella! Very well expressed.
It took me over 40 years to rid myself of my lonliness. I had just about given up and had resigned myself that I would be a lonely person forever and then I hit rock bottom and reached out for help which I took on board.
I cannot believe how blessed I feel now to enjoy my own company without being lonely. I will always feel empathy for those afflicted with lonliness and lend a helping hand if I am able too.
Love the photo you have included with this post.
Warmest hugs
Peggy xxxxx